Knitting!

I’m learning to knit!

I decided the best way to overcome this whole not leaving the house phobia that’s been bugging me for the last seven years is to start taking some classes. And what do you know, I think it’s working!

It’s nice because classes are focused-you don’t have to worry about making too much conversation with people (which is the hardest hurdle for me), and it really appeals to my sense of learning new things.

I started with a Bible study, which I’m enjoying very much. I then decided it was time to take a class in knitting, something I’ve been wanting to learn for a long time.

And here’s my first successful project!

A scarf! I’m working on a hat to sort of match-I’m about half-way through.

The only thing I wish it would do is help with my panic stuff. I was hoping it’d give me something to do and focus on other than the crap that makes me scared all the time, but it’s not really working. But I’m going to keep searching. Maybe something will.

“You put the ‘oogy’ in ‘boogy.’”

I’ve always loved these commercials. I wish more were done for TV.

Dear Doctors.

Let me give you a little lesson on what not to do when dealing with someone with panic problems.

First, with ANY patient it’s a good idea to stay in the room until the patient has no more questions. I know you probably have quotas to fill, but surely you’ve been in a situation where you, or a loved one, has needed more information to make their lives better. Think of us as a family member-just one you don’t have to spend a lot of money on during the holidays.

Next, when you have a patient who says they have panic disorder, double that. Information is our power. It can make the difference between sitting at home and fretting and throwing up and crying to a peaceful existence.

When that patient then thinks your diagnosis doesn’t fit her problems, give us a little leeway.

But most importantly, when that same patient asks you what if it doesn’t get any better, what happens, the WORST thing you could ever say is that you’ll do some tests, not tell the patient which ones and then say, when probed for further information “I’m not going to tell you, you’ll just panic needlessly.”

A side note-when a patient says “that’s the least helpful thing you could say”, this is not your cue to rush out of the room faster than if the room were filled with anthrax powder.

I understand you might just be an eye doctor and totally unaware of mental illnesses, so I’ll give you a bit of leeway for that. But you are a person who deals with patients, and it’ll help you a lot if you have even a tiny bit of bedside manner.

Love,

Angie

Totally awesome Cheese Soup.

I love my slow cooker. I’d use it every day if I could. And maybe I can! I should look at more garage sales for them.

At any rate, I found an awesome cheese soup recipe on RecipeZaar that I made last night. I’ve yet to get Sean’s verdict on it, but with some added croutons, it was just about heaven on earth.

Savory Cheese Soup 

3 (14 1/2       ounce) cans   chicken broth
1     small onion, chopped
1     large carrot, chopped
1     celery rib, chopped
1/4     cup chopped sweet red peppers
2     tablespoons butter
1     splash Worstershire sauce (This is my addition and is optional)
1     teaspoon salt
1/2     teaspoon pepper
1/3     cup flour
1/3     cup cold water
1 (8     ounce) package cream cheese, cubed and softened
2     cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 (12     ounce) can beer (optional)

1. In slow cooker, combine the first eight ingredients (I added the beer here instead of #6).
2. Cover and cook on low for 7-8 hours.
3. Combine flour and water until smooth; stir into soup.
4. Cover and cook on high 30 minutes longer or until soup is thickened.
5. Stir in cream cheese and cheddar cheese until blended.
6. Stir in beer if desired.
7. Cover and cook on low until heated through.
8. Serve with desired toppings such as croutons, popcorn, cooked crumbled bacon, sliced green onions.

This Too Shall Pass.

One of the things I’ve known most of my life, but am really realizing lately is that, with depression and anxiety, when they’re chronic issues, make some days really good, and other days really bad.

Yesterday was a very, very good day. I took my second knitting class, made a quick trip up to my brother’s house to get a dryer to replace our broken machine, and enjoyed Sunday Night Football.

I was feeling very good about progress and my life and my health, and something happened overnight that just killed it all. I’ve had a terrible day, had a hard time getting out of bed, trouble talking to my therapist at my appointment, and have started panicking about my health again.

I don’t really understand why my brain can’t just rely on the fact that I’m getting regular checkups and screenings. I hate living like this.

The lesson to be learned here, I suppose, is that the mantra of “This Too Shall Pass” is something that should be taken to heart-you will, as they told me in the hospital, have another happy day. (That’s my biggest fear-that I’ll never have another happy day.)

And I really try to live by that mantra, and am doing better with it.

But I guess I shouldn’t be at all surprised at the bad days that happen.

This too shall pass. Be it fear, panic, or crippling depression. This too shall pass.

Maybe guilt will work-donate blood!

Today was my day to donate blood. So you can consider this your once-every-two-months reminder that donating blood not only saves lives, but it makes you feel darned good about yourself.

And if Angie The Fainter can do it, so can you!

(As an aside, I sure would like to know why that’s been happening. If anyone out there has a good recommendation for NOT fainting, I’d appreciate it.)

Go donate. You won’t regret it.

http://www.givelife.org

Sleep apnea and anxiety.

Recently, although I don’t remember where, unfortunately, I read something interesting about anxiety and one theory that anxiety was directly related to breathing problems such as sleep apnea.

I found this idea very interesting, as my anxiety issues have skyrocketed in the last year or so, as have my sleep apnea issues.

Anyone out there familiar with these ideas? Have any good links?